This is a big one.
I’ve got years of hurt with regard to not seeing my children. I’ve not seen my daughter Megan since she was 5 years old, she’s now 18. I obviously won’t go into detail but summarise by saying that I fought through the courts for 4 years. All I ended up with was a breakdown. The breakdown at the time was super tough but it gave me the opportunity to rebuild my life, look at where things didn’t work and change them. Basically starting off with new foundations and building brick by brick. The analogy I use is that my house was built on sand, the slightest thing would shake me.
Fast forward to today and I’m a completely different person. I’ve surrendered and accepted not seeing Megan. I’m always here for her and always will be. I live in hope that one day she will know the truth but I can’t focus on when that may be. I have to live my life in the present and focus on what I have. It took me years to get to this place of gratitude, focussing on what I have, rather than what I don’t have. Accepting that I can’t change anything outside of myself, just the way that I take things.
But, a similar thing is happening with my other child, Eli. Megan is in England and I’m in Australia. Eli is in Australia. Again, I won’t go into details as it’s not appropriate, but the end result is the same, I’m not seeing Eli. Now, I’ve learnt from the pain endured with Megan that this is something that I can’t go through again. I try so hard to maintain contact but my calls are unanswered and my texts not replied to. I’ve tried to introduce routine, I’ve tried everything and got nothing. So, the next step, which is painful but necessary for my own wellbeing, is to surrender and accept. I will stop trying as the expectation and subsequent pain/disappointment is too much to handle. Again, I will always be here for Eli but for my own sanity I have no time dealing with people who want to hurt me. I don’t like games, manipulation and lies so I will avoid anyone who does that.
Lots of lies have been told, so many to the point that I actually started to believe them and question who I am. I know I’m a good person and I’m standing up and saying that enough is enough. The picture that’s painted is not the truth. I, and a few close friends know the truth and I trust that the truth always wins. Maybe not in my time but it does. I choose to no longer react.
I’ve talked before about surrender and how I thought it was giving up. It’s not. There comes a point in life where we realise who we are and what we’re worth. I no longer need to accept anything that doesn’t align with who I am. The question of avoidance comes up at this point but I think it’s fair to say that taking action on a situation isn’t avoiding it.
My Inner Self 