I’ve been sat here wanting to write about stuff but not knowing where to start or what to say. There’s so much going round my head at the moment it’s hard to pin anything down.
Roller Coaster came to mind as that’s what this past 18 months has been. There were life’s ups and downs prior to this but this one is a big one, world wide. I did start to go down the path of worrying about how we are coming out of this, what state people’s mental health will be, the effect on small businesses, and so on. That became overwhelming and tiring so I’ve tried to stop.
I keep going back to ‘what’s the point’ – in many scenarios, health, work, food, drink, exercise, relationships. Everything just seems too hard. I try really hard at something and feel like I get the opposite outcome (i.e. not the reward that I was expecting). My thoery is, be good = good things happen, be kind = receive kindness and so on. You get back what you give but this is being challenged at the moment. I guess becuase I’m expecting something in return and I’m not getting it, hence the ‘what’s the point’ attitude.
It all comes down to taking things personally, we’re all doing our best and all suffering to varying degrees. If someone doesn’t return a smile it’s not about me but I go down the ‘what’s the point’ road, much easier lately. I guess I’m tired, like we all are.
Some days are OK, some aren’t. There aren’t many spectacular days. I know so much is out of my control and that I need to focus on what I can control and learn from this, but some days I just can’t be bothered.
I wonder when this will all end, and the not knowing is really hard to accept.
A quote I read recently from Winston Churchill – ‘When you’re going through hell, keep on going‘ is one that has helped in the past. Everything is temporary, just try my best and keep moving knowing that will end at some point.
I’d originally saved a roller coaster picture to accompany the title but the quote is more powerful so that’s what I’ve gone for.
It is a roller coaster for sure, the first time in my lifetime that every single person is a passenger
My Inner Self 