Presence

Presence. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the “present”. It’s a well known quote and one I struggle to practice.

I’ve read books about it, listened to podcasts about it, watched videos about it, talked about it, written about it, and yet at times I’m a million miles from it.

I guess I have to go there (away from it) to come back. Like most things, just becuase I’m aware of it doesn’t mean that I practice it every day. There are still so many times that I’m thinking about the past (guilt, regret, unforgiveness) or thinking about the future (fear, worry, anxiety). I know that it’s all a complete waste of time but still do it. The main one at the moment is anxiety, so many things still unknown and uncertain about what the future brings, I end up losing days to it.

Meditation is an avenue I’ve still to really get to grips with, I know it will help but I find it hard to switch off. I guess it’s like everything, practice and accept I’m not going to be the Dalai Lama overnight. That’s part of my problem, I expect to be an expert in a new thing straight away, I don’t give myself grace to learn and be patient with myself. I don’t persist.

So, today is all I have! I’ve lost my way a little as I used to be pretty good at appreciating the simple things, nature and so on. I also accept that it’s never a straight line and there will be ups and downs (or forwards/backwards). I really have been caught up in my mind worrying about things I can’t control. A routine would help, it sounds silly but a list of things to do would actualy help (i.e. gratitude, meditate, breathe and so on). I guess it needs to be a concious effort before it becomes a habit.