Change. Some thoughts on what is needed for change.

Commitment, it’s deciding what I want to do and sticking to it.

Effort, it takes effort every day to form a new habit.

Dedication, similar to commitment.

Self love, I (and we) all have a vision for how I want my life to be and what positive changes I want to make. Self love is key to achieving a positive change.

Courage, change is scary, it’s the unknown, it’s not safe and outside my comfort zone.

Trust and faith, that it will be OK.

Grace and kindness to self, it’s a journey into the unknown so I have to be kind to myself when I make a mistake.

Resilience, getting up when I fall.

Consistency, not all or nothing. Do something every day towards the vision.

Being realistic, small steps, stop looking at the mountain and just put one foot in front of another.

Belief, in myself.

Honesty and truth with self.

Ownership, responsibility and accountability for myself.

Wow, when I start to think about why change is so hard and literally only spend 10 minutes on thinking about the topics above it’s no wonder it’s hard. There will be a ton more too. Change is about being concious and making a decision.

The tortoise – Wow, has it really been that long since my last post!? In my head I’ve had things to say every day but don’t post ‘in the moment’ so the message is lost forever. I realise it’s a process and habit forming exercise that I need to be concious about.

So, why the tortoise? Well, it’s a bit of an analogy based on my last post about vulnerability. I am the shell-less tortoise and my ego is my shell. By posting I expose my soft flesh to the world and risk hurt. It’s interesting to post about vulnerability and then retreat back into my shell for over a week. There’s no judgement but there is frustration. Why? I’ve not had any adverse reactions. I guess by having it out there there is risk. But that’s the whole point of ‘my inner self’, to get back to me, without fear of reaction. Part of this is about commitment to myself and posting whenever I’m inspired to. There, it’s out there. I want to be more like the tortoise, an adventurous tortoise who knows that the only way to survival is exposing the soft bits to the world.

Vulnerability – This is a big topic, but here are my thoughts. First off, it’s scary. Why? It’s perceived as a weakness. Why? Because it’s admitting you’re not OK with something. But why is that not OK? I think it’s down to our good old friend (some old friends aren’t really friends are they?) FEAR. Fear of judgement, fear of rejection, fear of the information being used against you, fear of not being understood. Plus a lot of other fears I can’t even think of. The problem with the ego is that it’s a tangled web of beliefs, most supporting each other and the ego’s job is to protect us from hurt. The key question is ‘Why?’. Trust is obviously involved with all of the above fears. It’s OK to be vulnerable with someone you trust as you’re confident that none of those fears will happen. With a not so close friend/colleague it’s a bit trickier, we don’t really talk about deep stuff (i.e. feelings) because of the uncertainty around how it will be perceived and how it may come back on us. And then we get to being vulnerable with strangers, that’s a big No No, even more so with the anonymity/non accountability of the internet. There is so much publicity around cyber bullying, threats, racism/sexism/homophobia/religion. The key to breaking down all of the above is to be open and honest. It’s not a flick of the switch, it’s baby steps. It’s learning that it’s OK to not be OK. It’s owning it and taking responsibility. It’s allowing others to react however they want and not taking that on board (that’s easy, right???). And by doing this you get to live a life of authenticity, connecting with others on a deeper level. Most of us are scared to speak out but it’s liberating when someone actually takes that step, I’m sure most of us sit back with admiration at the bravery. Now, I’ve used the third person you/we/us but I’m actually talking about me.

It’s been a few days and there are a few topics going around my head at the moment.

Where does the ego come from? And how to undo what’s been learnt?

Being Vulnerable.

Being Humble.

Gratitude.

But, after this weekend the one topic I’ll talk about is how fulfilling giving is. Time is the most precious commodity that I have but I catch myself many times a day wasting so much on things that aren’t important. The most important gift that you can give to another person is time, quality time. I spent Saturday volunteering at a running event and was in awe at the runners coming through my checkpoint. That’s where the source of my thoughts above came from. Long distance running breaks you down to nothing. I witnessed pure vulnerability, humbleness and gratitude on Saturday. My job was simple, just give my time and support to these amazing people. There were internal battles, there was joy, there was banter, there were smiles, and there was blood, sweat and tears. But most of all, there was connection. After 50km (I was at the half way check point) people had had thier ego beaten into submission. I got so much out of the weekend by giving nothing but my time, that’s why I love these events. I’ve been the other side of the fence and the selflessness of the volunteers has filled me with gratitude and joy. If you (or I) want to make a difference in the world, give someone your time, you make a difference to their world which has the ripple effect.

Reminded me of this story – http://trustinhumanity.org/story-of-a-boy-and-jelly-fish/

Are we? I try my best to be, I have a no phone rule when I’m with people. I also try and avoid it from being a ‘comfort blanket’ when I’m on my own. To me it’s a metaphorical brick wall. In a world that is so connected digitally we’re losing the ability to connect physically. It’s a concious effort. The first step in any change is awareness. Be aware. Smile, say hello, compliment someone, carry someone’s bag. Simple things that are the foundations for physical connection.

I was listening to a podcast yesterday and was interested to hear that our view of ourselves is an illusion. I’ve thought about it since then and tend to agree. The ego is a powerful thing but the aim to reconnect to my inner self means I am going to have to question most things. Why do I do that? Why do I think that? Why do I believe that? What is my motivation for doing that? Important questions and the answers aren’t simple.

False Evidence Appearing Real. It’s a massive topic. Books have been written, films have been filmed, lives have been lead (or not in this instance). Fear is the one thing that drives us and society. I have lots of thoughts and experiences on fear so look forward to exploring those here.

I’d like to connect to my inner self and share the journey. The seed has been planted and I don’t know what will grow. It’s exciting, like the lucky dip packet of seeds I used to grow as a child. All I know is that I’m responsible for watering it and caring for it. It takes effort. I resist writing as it makes things real but there is great benefits in writing so I’ll persevere.

So many ideas going around as to what to post, best to just start and see how it goes. So, today I saw something that inspired me. I was flying into Adelaide and there was cloud cover, apart from one little spot. It happened to be the peak of a mountain (or big hill) that was just poking through. The meaning I gave it was that the light is always there, despite the dark clouds. Today it just so happened that only the courageous and brave would see the beautiful sunshine. It would take effort, it would be hard, there may be tears but the reward was worth it. I see analogies everywhere so this is the first one I’m sharing, nearly in the moment. If I don’t write them down they’re gone forever. Climb that mountain (or big hill)!!