Breakdown. At the time it’s not great, the world as you know it caves in, in the short term there’s darkness and no light at the end of the tunnel. But it’s an opportunity to rebuild with stronger foundations. It highlights the weaknesses, unhelpful thinking, beliefs and behaviours.

This is the biggest breakdown that I’ve witnessed. If we’re couragous we can change what hasn’t worked and build a better world.

I, myself, have been sucked in by the media and society lately. Even the most resilient people are being rattled. Perspective is important, it’s easy to fall into the thoughts and behaviours of the masses. It takes courage to walk against the tide. I need to focus on gratitude and need to have empathy for those that are scared. It’s not productive to judge or criticise. What can I change? Only my thoughts and my behavior.

As the saying goes, be the change that you want to see. Lead by example.

Dys. Dys, in itself isn’t a word but a prefix and where I believe we are now as a society. I’ve looked it up and it comes from Greek and means ‘bad, ill; hard, difficult; abnormal, imperfect’. The two words I’m thinking about are Dystopia and Dysfunctional. I’m still astounded by what I’m witnessing as I go about my daily life. I’m seeing selfishness and unkindness. Really simple things like patience, compassion, smiling, courtesy are out of the window. Of course, I’m generalising, it’s not everyone but seems to be the majority. It’s ugly.

Now, this presents a great opportunity to go the other way. It’s hard because the ego is being overwhelmed and the natural thing to do is give in to the hype/hysteria. We should be looking out for those in genuine need. Nobody is actually going to run out of food, I’m sure we have enough in our cupboards/fridge/freezer to sustain us for a fair few weeks. It’s an opportunity to use the things that have been there for months.

The main opportunity I see is around compassion, kindness and empathy. More to follow on those thoughts….

True Colours. People and society go along OK until a crisis happens. A way someone reacts to a crisis shows their true colours, but that depends whether the crisis is local or widespread. There have been some crises this year on Australia, the main one being the bush fires. So why was that different to this one? There was disbelief, sadness, fear and anger over that. All of those emotions were widespread apart from fear, fear was localised around those areas at most risk. The community pulled together and the whole country/world supported those affected by the fires, it brought people together. Great kindness and compassion was shown.

Now, with the current crisis the fear is widespread and society is now going selfish as the impact could affect them personally. I think a lot can be learnt from how society is currently behaving, the true colours are being shown so can now be dealt with. My guess is that people will look back at this in disbelief. My hope is that there is a spike in the panic and once people gain perspective then compassion and kindness will again be displayed. So what are the true colours, is it kindness/compassion or is it selfishness? I think fear makes people behave irrationally, I’m hoping that people will reflect on how they thought and behaved, it’s an opportunity for us all to evolve and mature.

I’m hoping people will also start to realise how detrimental media (including social media) is to society. When there were a handful of news channels (i.e. pre internet) there was some consistency. Now there are thousands of channels, all competing to ‘get the scoop’. There’s a lot of time spent on sensationalising stuff and also ‘fake news’. Individuals are now able to add to this ‘fake news’ by propagating rumours and posts on social media, so much of it is not fact based.

Judgement. I’m not one to focus on any media stuff but I can’t help avoid the current situation. What I’m observing is very interesting. Today I witnessed what I believe to be shame and feeling judged. A normal walk to work turned into an entertaining episode in the latest toilet roll comedy. I witnessed a guy walking down the street carrying 2 x 24 packs of toilet rolls, I couldn’t help but glance over and smile, I wonder what he was feeling? On leaving the supermarket I witnessed a lady with a 24 pack putting it inside a black bin bag, I wonder why? I too have thoughts around it, mine is going against the hype and NOT buying toilet rolls (even though I’m running low). It’s my little way of saying ‘up yours’ to the media and society. Part of it is also to do with the fact that I’ve formed a judgement of those hoarders, so I want to avoid being judged. I’m conscious that if I judge then I feel judged which is why I try and not to.

Getting onto some parallels I’ve observed. When there is a terrorist attack, due to the coverage in the media, people again become paranoid, anxious and fearful. People carrying backpacks on trains become enemy number one!! Today that backpack is anyone who coughs, sneezes or sniffs. The race/religion that carries out the attack also leads society to turn against everyone else of that race/religion, the same is now true for the virus. Are they both feeding an underlying racism/xenophobia? Unfortunately I think they are. So, what’s the title of todays blog, the theme seems to be judgement (sometimes the title of the blog isn’t obvious until I finish writing)…

Media. It’s getting out of control! I actively choose to avoid it so I’m not caught up in the fear that it instils in society. I can’t avoid it all though. In a free society, are we free? Of course we are, I hear you say. Apart from the fact that my view of the world and society is clouded by what the media tells me. Fear is the best way to control a population (in my view) without actually making them feel controlled. The latest big thing is the corona virus. Of course, it’s a problem but it’s creating apocalyptic thinking. The numbers are tiny in comparison to the world wide population. The World Health Organisation stats for annual Flu cases/deaths are as follows – Worldwide, these annual epidemics are estimated to result in about 3 to 5 million cases of severe illness, and about 290 000 to 650 000 respiratory deaths. Compared to the ‘Pandemic’ 90,000 cases and 3000 deaths. Perspective, much??? The psychological damage done to society is far greater than the physical.

If we’re bombarded with ‘statistics’, ‘predictions’ or ‘worst case scenarios’ then that becomes our reality. It’s not reality though. Propaganda is real, I witnessed first-hand the ‘truths’ that were being told before the Brexit vote, how much of it was propaganda and spin? The amount of discussions I’ve had with people about things they’ve read in the paper, were they there? No, they only have a view of another human being to base their reality on and I’d like to think that media was impartial/unbiased but I’m not naïve. There is definitely an agenda.

Now this is a little controversial, I’m not talking about ‘My inner self’ am I? Well, I am, sort of. It’s about not giving my power away and being controlled by fear. I will still shake someone’s hand when I meet them, I will go wherever I want without fear. I won’t be panic buying anything. In a year from now this will be just another blip on the timeline of life.

Persistence. It really does pay off, it’s not enough just to try something. There’ll be times where the new thing doesn’t feel good and is tough going. It’s about accepting the discomfort and focussing on the goal.

My recent example is swimming. I was in awe at the men and women who tackled ironman 70.3 last weekend. I’ve always said I’m not fit enough but I realise that’s not true, it’s an excuse for not trying and persisting. I can swim but I’ve never got the hang of breathing. Quite often I’d try a couple of times and give up. This week was different, I’ve accepted it’s going to be tough initially but in just a week I’ve had three swims and can already see a big improvement on my breathing.

It’s easy to do the things that take little or no effort, that’s really a comfort zone as in there is no discomfort. Persistence is the key in any change.

You cannot find peace by avoiding life. A quote I saw recently that had meaning to it.

I’d take it a bit further and say by avoiding life’s challenges. There have been quite a few ‘challenges’ recently that I’d rather avoid (and have done), until action is forced. The feeling behind avoiding them is that there’s a cloud hanging over me, a nagging voice that says I should be doing something. The thoughts about doing them and either not knowing where to start or being too scared to start. It’s wanting just a smooth life, but it’s compromising who I really am. In the last few weeks I’ve taken on quite a few of these challenges that have been hanging around for way too long. Of course it was hard, of course there was anxiety and heightened emotions whilst going through the process. But, there’s a huge sense of relief, and peace, once they’re done. The cloud disappears, there are no voices of should do that, and there’s no more energy given to them. It’s liberating and empowering.

Sub Optimal Training. It really does work!! So, this is a training method that I’ve developed, it’s really about building mental strength and coping when things don’t go to plan in a run. The key concept is about training outside your comfort zone and trying to create scenarios that may happen during a run. It gives confidence that anything can be worked through, and having experienced it whilst training it gives confidence if it happens during a run. Some examples from my weekend ultra and where my sub optimal training paid off.

Blisters – I had blisters within the first 10k of the 55k. I’d trained with fresh blisters and whilst it’s uncomfortable it’s actually OK.

Hills – There were lots of hills on Saturday. I’d gone out of my way to train on hills, even back to back sessions on tired legs. One scenario replayed in my head where I was actually on my bike, my legs were dead and there was a never ending hill in front. I kept my head down and knew that it didn’t matter how fast I was going, I would eventually reach the top.

Flies – There were flies on Saturday, and they were pestering me during a difficult climb (I was already struggling so the flies were an added annoyance). One of my training sessions had several hours of hundreds of flies. Saturday was easy after experiencing that.

Tired legs/body – I’ve done several back to back training sessions, these helped simulate what it was like to have done 30k and still have 25k to go.

Fuel – I’ve deliberately gone out of my way to run with little/no fuel. I’ve hit the wall during training. Knowing my limits has helped me identify the early signs of running out of fuel. On Saturday I never experienced any issues. I ate at every station, even if I wasn’t hungry. I hydrated really well and took my time to ensure I was stocked up between each aid station.

Lack of sleep – The lead up to most events there isn’t much sleep. I’ve trained after nights out, 4 hours sleep and so on. It’s knowing that it’s OK to start a race tired and that it will actually wake you up as you progress.

Weather – one thing I know I can’t change is the weather. It’s so important to train in every condition. During January I trained in mid to high 30s, it was great to learn the effects of the sun/heat on my body and hydration. It was hot on Saturday but not mid to high 30s so I knew it was OK.

The key concept is identifying opportunities to be really uncomfortable and going against all logic/common sense. There are always parts of the race that are mentally tough and it’s checking in with your body to see if there are actually any major issues, there rarely is so it’s literally just a feeling with no evidence.

Back yourself. This was the advice that stuck with me from the briefing session on Friday night, the day before I was to undertake the biggest physical challenge of my life.

There were many opportunities to get lost (or feel like I was lost). The course was marked but not every step of the way, there were times when no mark would be seen for quite a while. The decisions around where to place markings was pretty simple, around decision points (i.e. where the track splits). Now, I’m normally pretty confident when it comes to directions and the nature of trail running is that you’ll get lost (that’s part of the fun). It’s having the confidence that it’s OK and confidence in your ability to find your way back on track. It’s all about making a decision to the best of your ability, given all of the information you have at hand. It’s the same in life, many times I question the path I’m on and many times I’m given a marker to confirm I’m on track (it’s normally a dragonfly but can also be a sequence of numbers, i.e. 11.11). It’s important to be open to markers, the more you look, the less likely you are to see, relax and trust.

Anyway, why’s it so bad to be lost? That’s when you learn the most. If you follow the path of everyone in front of you what have you learnt? That you can follow someone else’s path? Where’s the growth in that? A similar thing goes for driving, when I was new to an area I would get lost on purpose to learn new streets and more often than not the getting lost actually connected two familiar areas. It’s like pieces of a jigsaw, the more pieces you have the easier it is to see the picture. My view is that society views getting lost as a mistake and mistakes mean you’re not perfect. The reality is that no one is but most of us pretend to be.

So, back to backing yourself. It’s about trusting your gut. Everyone said I should use hiking poles, 90% of the field had them (it was a no brainer). But I wasn’t comfortable with them, hadn’t trained with them and didn’t know how to carry them when I wasn’t using them. I decided not to use them and I was happy with that decision. And it’s not about needing to be right either, it’s about doing what’s right for me.

It’s been a while!! So, what’s been going on? Well, I’ve been travelling and starting a new job. There should be lots to write about, yeah? Well, there probably was but I didn’t capture my thoughts/reflections in the moment.

The travelling was an amazing experience, the sense of freedom and adventure. It was action packed and nothing to do once the sun had gone down except try and sleep. I’d say that it was a trip of a lifetime, yet so simple and unplanned.

The new job was slightly less thrilling with the usual emotions around anxiety and feeling overwhelmed/out of depth. I’ve learnt to be realistic now though so as soon as I started I gave myself permission to be OK with not knowing stuff. It made the settling in period really quick and easy.

So, something else happened yesterday and without going into detail it bought up a lot of past stuff and emotions that weren’t overly productive. I allowed myself to experience them without reacting. They’re still there but a sleep always helps them to subside. It’s not something that will go away so I need to take action to resolve it. It’s amazing how they cloud thoughts, I became absent minded and scatty. I’ve learnt that I can’t control what others do or say, just my reaction. I’ve also learnt that it’s important to stand up for myself. The tricky bit is not lowering myself to the other person’s standard (or lack of). But, I do have to correct a lot of lies and ‘absences of truth’. This will be an interesting process so I’ll no doubt have stuff to learn.