The rock in the sea. My guess is that most rocks start off life with loads of rough edges. The sea throws the rock around and over many years it becomes smooth. I am the rock and life is the sea 😁

I wrote this a few days ago and on reflection it’s changed a bit. We’re born smooth and on our journey through childhood and adulthood we pick up our rough edges and barnacles. None of these are truly who we are but then again they are, our experiences shape us. As rocks we may even start life in a river with our ultimate journey being to the sea. Along the way we’ll reach a quiet nook which feels calm and safe, no tumbling. This could be seen as a comfort zone. Actually pretty dangerous because there’s no movement, our edges won’t get smoothed and we’ll probably pick up more barnacles (or shell type things). We have to keep moving towards the sea, we have to trust the river and accept the uncertain nature. 

Belonging. It’s not nice when you don’t feel like you belong. I experienced it for around six months when I first moved to Australia, not because of what anyone was doing, just that it was an alien land with different rules and culture. It was very unsettling and there was a time when I felt almost apologetic for being here. I realised that I had to take responsibility, I had to learn new ways. I went out and learnt new areas, joined groups, chatted to people and decided to have fun. As the saying goes, smile and the world smiles with you. 

Why has this come up now? Well, I’m travelling in my car around Victoria for two weeks. Again, I’m in an alien environment, I don’t know the rules and I feel somewhat like I don’t know what I’m doing. But that’s normal for anyone doing something new for the first time. I guess this is what happens when I push outside my comfort zone in a big way. It gives me the greatest opportunity to grow, if I choose to. 

Faith in dealing with uncertainty. I recently did a trail run that had lots of river crossings. There was uncertainty around the stability of some of the rocks I stood on, this made me nervous that I would fall in. The rocks couldn’t be trusted to be stable, I lost my faith in them. I then changed my thoughts that my faith should be placed in myself and how I deal with a loose /unstable rock. It made the process much easier. I accepted that some rocks would be unstable but had faith that I could deal with them 

The journey. I don’t think I’m alone in losing focus on where I am today. There’s a bit of thought to be had about the future but I know I focus too much on it. Not much point really. I started a loosely planned road trip Friday and there was a fair amount of anxiety leading up to it, around the lack of plans. I want freedom but also want stability. Maybe it’s a transition. The last few days have been great, they evolved and none of my anxieties materialised, they hardly ever do. I guess the more I practice the better I’ll get. Feel the fear and do it anyway

It’s an inside job. It really is! Happiness, contentment, joy, peace is all from within. I put so much of this on the external that’s why I can be affected easily by what’s going on around me. I guess that’s where the inner self comes in. How do I get there? There’s a lot to be said about meditation, I’ve tried it and it’s tough. My mind is busy. It also comes down to who am I as a person, if no one is there. I seem to be getting further away from what I want to be but maybe that’s the illusion that happens when I become conscious, and in turn puts me off trying. I’ve obviously not written for a while, again, that’s a sign of a potential breakthrough so there is hesitation, doubt and fear that stops me. 

Prioritise. It’s something that I do at work when I’ve got a list of tasks that I need to do, so why don’t I do it for the changes that I want to see in myself? All I do is create a long list of changes, look at it, feel overwhelmed, ignore it. That’s not how change is going to happen, I need to prioritise my list. I like Tony Robbins, he has alot of good stuff to say. One of his things is about turning shoulds/coulds into musts. So, choosing one thing from my list I’m going to make it a must. I’ll push through the initial discomfort/weirdness of changing a habit and focus on the benefits and goal.

Mental obesity. Obesity is the definition of being physically overweight. A contributing factor to the physical is the automation of physical tasks. Cars, bikes, lifts, escalators and so on. We’re now even seeing electric assistance on bikes and scooters. I think as humans we are inherently lazy. Whilst the automation of certain tasks is of benefit (i.e washing machine, iron, heating) I think we’re at the point where it’s damaging our health. 

Getting to my point of mental obesity. Now that we’ve automated the physical we’re now automating the mental. Google maps instead of a road map. Google instead of researching books. Home automation such as alexa. PC typing rather than writing. All of these are leading to our brains getting lazy. Our brains need to solve problems, they need to be busy. As we’re replacing the traditional thinking tasks they’re trying to keep busy by doing other things. Facebook, instagram, etc. There’s now too much time and in my opinion it’s leading to a mental and emotional obesity. 

The solution is conciousness and awareness of our reliance on automation and technology. They’re both great evolutions but we need to be careful how we use them. 

Thrive, not survive. To first find what I do want I first need to know what I don’t want, this narrows the field down. I’m going through a bit of a career crisis at the moment. I left 22 years of stable employement in the UK to come to Australia. It took me 6 months to get a paid job, it took me back to ‘ground zero’. At one point I had three jobs, all unskilled and manual. It was humbling and I learnt alot from this period. I was grateful that I was working but also frustrated that I had to start from scratch. I got a break whereby I was offered a job in an office back in July 2018 (this was what I was used to). This one thing kept me in Australia and I will always be grateful. Since being here I’ve realised that I don’t like ‘corporate’, for me it’s a game I don’t like playing any more. My contract ends this month and whilst I’ve been applying for jobs I’m not going to sacrifice myself any more. I’m not going to take a job that doesn’t fulfil me. the reality of losing my job has pushed me to explore other areas so I have volunteered and got myself other qualifications towards where I want to go. The universe is really testing my trust and faith at the moment. I want to thrive and not just survive, now is the time to be couragous and push through the fears that are holding me back.

I’ve been listening to podcasts recently and one thing stands out – My perfect self. Now, I’ve heard about ‘the best version of myself’ and tend to like that more. I used to try and be a perfectionist but this led to pressure and disappointment, as the saying goes – perfection is overated. I like the idea of striving to be the best version of myself, this follows on from my previous post, where I talked about the changes that I’d like to make. So, following on from that, what does the best version of myself look like (and feel like)?

Confident

Unshakable

At peace

Happy

Joyous

Physically fit

Empathetic

Compassionate

Motivated

Driven

Excited

Know my purpose and ‘Why?’

Grateful

Graceful

Assertive

Committed

Dedicated

I guess this is the ‘vision’ of who I want to be, each of them could be seen as an objective, something to strive for. Going back to my previous post, they are more the ‘strategies’ to get to these. Now I just need a plan and to take action, this is where the hard work is done.

What if? Why not? Not sure where this one is going but I’ll start anyway. I thought one led to another but maybe they don’t, I guess the question is more around changes I want to make and asking myself ‘why not?’. Instead of ‘why not?’ I’ll flip it and state what I’m going to do to counteract the ‘why not?’. Making a positive ‘action’ statement.

So…..

Reading, I want to read more – I will prioritise and spend at least 30 mins a day.

Group classes at the gym (yoga, body balance, circuits, boxing) – I will do one a week

I want to improve my overall fitness – I will do a ‘7 minute workout’ each day.

I want to learn to meditate – I will persevere and practice, daily.

I want to eat healthier – I will eat healthier!

I want to drink less alcohol – I will go to bed earlier.

I want to get up earlier to do some of the above (exercise/meditation/running) – Get up earlier!

I want to develop emotionally – I will write more (i.e. here), I won’t say daily as it has to be organic but I will write when inspired to do so.

I want to diversify my exercises – I will cycle more and use my kayak

I want to change my career – Take steps/volunteering/training – this one’s ongoing.

I guess this list will constantly evolve but writing it down makes it real, hence I’m accountable.