Love never fails. It was a message I kept seeing when I was in Melbourne last week. There were 50,000+ Jehovah witnesses attending a conference and their lanyards had this written on it. Again, the concept sounds great and is correct. The practice is somewhat different. Too much of my focus is around fear, which is not quite the opposite of love but is in opposition to it.

I also saw the word ‘Love’ on many other things that week, proof that I am surrounded by love, if I choose to see it and allow it in.

It reminds me of a well known biblical passage that I clearly need to focus on:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Peace. Trying to find inner peace when there is so much turmoil around me is a struggle. There’s the logic around accepting what I can’t control (the external stuff) but the inner stuff is tricky to control. There is not much peace going on at the moment and I’m frustrated that I allow myself to hang my peace/happiness on things that I can’t control. Do I trust the universe? Well, if it’s going my way then yes. If not then it’s a real struggle, it goes in waves. The same thing goes for gratitude, I’m grateful when things are settled/going my way but I’m not so grateful when there’s uncertainty.

Learning to be happy, have gratitude and be peaceful during the hard times is an area for improvement.

Seek first to understand. This has come to the forefront of my mind recently. I’m finding myself reacting to external forces, mainly people’s behaviour. I’m not acting from a place of acceptance, empathy or compassion. I’m taking lots personally and it’s frustrating me. I’m judging society and seeing the negatives quite a bit. What can I control? How I react. Ask the question of myself why the behaviours don’t sit right. Accept that we are all different, have different morals, beliefs and values. Love the person.

No Coincidence. I’m learning that there is no such thing as coincidence. There is a plan for us all, I just need to trust and listen. Through my running I meet amazing people who do amazing things and inspire me to be a better person. It’s not about running, it’s about the power of the mind. 

Paying the bills. It’s why most of us work. What if there were no bills? Highly unlikely, I know, but what about if the bills were minimised. There’s a shift away from property ownership, myself included. The outgoings remain similar but I have nothing to show for it after 25 years. What it does give me is freedom (if I choose it), I’m not tied to one place. I’m a bit of contradiction though. I crave freedom and spontenaity but I also crave stabily. It’s tough to balance at times. Freedom itself is scary as it’s unpredictable and unsettled. Again, it comes back to fear. Staying in the same job/house/relationship/town/country is familiar/safe/comfortable and suits most people. It’s also society’s expectation, we must conform. Going outside of the ‘norm’ upsets people. But why does that matter? The need for approval and validation. I used to waste time and effort justifying decisions or even trying to get people to understand my view. I’m getting better and keep reminding myself that I’m an adult and have the right to choose what I want. So, it’s a good question, what would I do if there were no bills? It has to be travel and adventure. That costs money, I admire people who have the courage to do it (for an extended period of time and not just having a holiday). I’m sure it can be done cheaply and I’m sure there will be opportunities to earn money along the way. But then again, we don’t need money, we actually need food/drink/shelter. Mmmmm, lots to consider……

Routine. It’s always been an issue for me!! But then that’s my story so that’ll be my truth. What if I said that I loved routine? I guess I have to think about what routine means to me – Boring and predictable are two words that come to mind. But routine is healthy and necessary for any change to occur.

I saw this quote today and it hit a nerve  – “The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” -John C. Maxwell.

I’ve always wanted to make the most of my day but I consistently don’t. I know that exercising early is a great start to the day. Today I did a 5.30am 13km run with a great bunch of people. We chatted and witnessed a beautiful sunrise. I’ve always admired people who do this, why can’t I be one of them?

Why’s it so hard to change? Becuase it’s easier not to. Change takes effort. What would I be without all of my old stories or excuses? I know I am no where near my potential but I sit back. Maybe that’s why where I currently am is frustrating me.

Fulfilment. It’s coming to the fore right now. Is it a mid life crisis? I don’t think so. The more I see society, the more I question why most people settle for mediocre (myself included). It probably comes down to fear, of the unknown or uncertainty. It also comes down to finding a passion. I’m sure people who are passionate about what they do are fulfilled. What percentage of society? Very little in my estimation. It’s safe to stay in a job, earn money to pay the bills. I’ve been lucky in my career up until now but never fulfilled. What’s stopping me from changing? Fear. Finding my passion. Making an effort. Work ethic.

Quality v Quantity. This applies to lots of things, I was going to say everything but there are probably exceptions. We all have the same amount of time in a day, how much is spent doing quality things? We’re busier than ever but is it quality stuff, does it change you or anyone else’s life? There are more distractions than ever and I’m great at keeping busy, but I question the value (i.e quality). I’ve just reflected a little bit about time, there’s more to be said on material things, work content and so on. 

The art of not being present. I can be really good at this at times, this last week has been an example. Too many thoughts about past and future, worry, guilt, stress, anxiety, it’s a long list. It’s clouded my head for over a week and has lead to a lack of joy or gratitude. I’m working from fear again. Fear about an uncertain future and lack of faith that all will be OK. It normally leads to destructive behaviour and self sabotage, which it has this time around. Isolation has been an old coping strategy which has never served me. It’s funny how despite all the changes I’ve made I still sometimes go back to old behaviours. It’s still really hard to reach out and be truly vulnerable when things are tough. It’s a tough process and a hard nut to crack. I have the tools and I’m choosing not to use them. It’s strange. Anyway, I’m back to share the current phase, no wise words but hopefully some reflection.

Smile when it hurts. A great quote that I heard whilst watching history being made a couple of weeks back. Eliud Kipchoge smashed the 2 hour barrier for the marathon.

I used this strategy whilst running my own marathon a day later. Everyone was hurting and it showed. I chose to smile and the smiles spread. I was never a fan of ‘fake it til you make it’ mentality but this is different. It’s about choosing to be happy when things are tough and comes back to my favourite quote ‘pain is innevitable, suffering is optional’.