Reality vs Theory. I experienced something yesterday that raised a point within myself. It’s easy to think that I am accepting of the way society is, until I’m faced with a situation that makes me practice that theory.

I was attending an event at RMIT Uni and needed the toilet, a fairly normal process in my head and in practice. I headed towards the sign and saw a ‘gender neutral’ toliet, I thought ‘OK, I’ll keep going and look for the men’s’. I continued, walking past the disabled toilet and came to the end of the space. No men’s toilet?? What now?? I headed back towards the gender neutral toilet and nervously opened the door. A man came out as I was going in and there was a woman washing her hands. It felt weird sharing the same space.

I realised that I had a reaction to something that I was unfamiliar with, but that in my head accepted.

It reminded me of the time that I went swimming and couldn’t find the men’s changing rooms. Instead there was a ‘changing village’, initially it felt odd but I soon adapted and it is now the norm for me.

So, what’s the message here? We are only really challenged when we face a real situation, despite how we think we will react.

Routine. It’s something I need to work on. The word routine to me means repetitive and boring. I guess a certain amount of life needs routine, stuff around commitments, responsibilities and positive actions of self care. The other side of routine which is based around comfort zones and fear is the unhealthy side. I’m realising more and more that I’m a non conformist and there’s a challenge re being who I want to be and not what society expects.

Faith and Trust. It’s easy in thoery, until I actually have to practice it. It’s hard to think that I’m not in control of my own life. Well, I am, the inner self stuff, how I think and behave. I can’t control circumstances outside of myself.

Do I trust the Universe/God? I try but it’s not easy. It comes back to surrender. It’s not a case of just sitting back and not taking action but for me it’s about not forcing an issue or pushing to stay within my comfort zone.

Worry and anxiety will not change anything.

Self doubt. It’s a big thing! I always go back to the simple question, why? Again, it’s not a simple answer. It’s fear based, will I fail, or will it not go to plan? If there’s faith and trust there is no room for self doubt. Like most things in life, this is a work in progress. Tomorrow I attempt to run a marathon. There’s stuff I’m still carrying from my previous two attempts in 2011/12, there’s the questions about have I trained enough and all the anxiety around getting to the start line on time. Like most things, once I’m there and running it’s fine. The reality is never as bad as the anxiety. It’s a reprogramming effort and takes practice to focus on the moment rather than the future unknown. I’m going to be true to myself tomorrow, focus on the joy of running, being surrounded by amazing people all going in the same direction but all on their own individual journeys. Spread the love, that includes to myself. Acceptance that the journey will be what I make it. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

Bit of a quick reflection on the film ‘The Australian dream’. Such a confronting and powerful film. I was interested in the behaviour side of it. What I call the ‘sheep mentality’. Just because everyone else does something doesn’t make it OK. Why is it so hard to say ‘it’s not OK’? Brave and courageous people change the world. It needs one person to stand up and the majority will follow. The media has a big part to play in how society and the ‘system’ works. I’m not a fan of the media as I believe it’s a form of control, by using fear. There’s lots more to reflect on but I’m inspired by Adam Goodes.

Choice. It’s hard to believe how many choices we make each day. I resorted to googling some stats and apparently we make around 35000 remotely concious decisions each day. That’s staggering!! Choices means responsibility, it’s all about how I will deal with a situation. Will I act or react? Will I fight fire with fire? Will I be a victim? Will I work from fear? Will I work from love? What’s my motivation for making a decision? More questions than answers today.

Fight, flight or accept? It’s appropriate that today is world mental health day. The ‘system’ is testing me alot lately and pushing me to make decisions. It’s tricky to be completely honest here and go into too much detail about the challenges I’m facing. I can talk about how I’m feeling and reacting I guess. Uncertainty has raised it’s head again, is that a bad thing? It is if I lose faith and trust, and act out of fear. Where am I supposed to be and what is the plan for my life? I’ve not talked about the universe or God yet, it’s a personal thing but I know there is a plan for me but I don’t like not knowing what it is and tend to overthink stuff and act from fear, whether that be fight or flight.

I’m also being tested by a system that previously beat me to my knees. I found myself yesterday reacting like the ‘old me’, wanting to fight fire with fire, wanting to serve justice, wanting the world know the ‘truth’ (or at least my side), wanting to be defensive and aggressive.

React rather than act. I’m a different person this time around but it was scary to go back to my old ways of thoughts and feelings. Everything is a choice, it’s so hard to ‘turn the other cheek’. I need to take action, I know that much. Things don’t just go away, like the stone in the shoe. It’s easy to be wise and rational when things are calm. This is the opportunity. What we go through we grow through. Right?

The need for approval. So where does it come from? Why is it so powerful? It comes from childhood and the need to conform and fit in. That’s my view.

It’s really gotten out of hand since social media took off and the whole psychology behind the likes, kudos, ‘friends’ and followers. Every single social media platform is tied into our basic need for approval and that’s obviously an ego thing. Yeah, so trying to undo that, it’s not just a need for approval,it’s tied into a lot of other things, fear of conflict, for example. The need to be liked is a big thing, we’ve all got a basic human need to be liked and popular. Social media is feeding this and it’s creating the pressure whereby we’re motivated by only posting stuff that’s going to be liked or approved. And there seems to be a weird sort of psychology around negativity on social media getting more attention than positivity. I suppose it goes back to ‘any attention is good attention’. You know, the children who misbehave because they just need attention. If they’re not getting the attention positively they’re going to create an issue to get attention by being told off or disciplined.

So going back to where where does it come from? No idea at the moment. But I would be really keen to undo that within myself because pretty much most things I do are geared around approval. So it would be really nice if I could just be honest without the fear of upsetting somebody, without the fear of rejection, or without the fear of conflict. Yeah, that’s my aim. Well, I’m not sure where this ‘my inner self’ is going but one of the aims is to be comfortable with who I am and what I think and what I say without the fear.

I used a speach to text app to record this, which is why it may sound different to when I type. The text needed a fair bit of editing as it was literal in the conversion (i.e. my hesitation and repetition was translated). It’s something I can practice as talking and typing are completely different forms.

Surrender. The first thing I used to think was that this was negative, giving up. When someone surrenders it normally means they’ve lost, admitted defeat. I’ve since learnt from experience that it’s the complete opposite. For me it’s acceptance and not resisting. It comes back to genuinely accepting that ‘it is what it is’. Very often you (or I) can’t change a situation, the only thing we really have any control over is our attitude and how we see it.

The stone in the shoe. It’s an analogy that I love so I’m sharing it, it may well be on the internet already but I haven’t checked and this is my take on it. 

I run. Running is a journey, it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Sometimes when I’m running I get a small stone in my shoe. Previously my approach was to try and ignore it and hope that it would go away. It never did. I could never be bothered to stop and take my shoe off to remove it, that would slow me down and disrupt my flow. The further I run, the more irritating the stone gets. It’s no surprise that the stone started to feel bigger. But stopping and taking action wasn’t an option. The pain would build and build, sometimes causing blisters and making a sore area. After long enough running with a stone in my shoe I can stand the pain no more and have no choice but to stop. But now I can’t run any more and I’m left in pain. All from a little stone! 

Now, this is where the analogy with life comes in. The run is life, the shoe is our carrier/self and the stone is the problem. How often do we try to do life with stones in our shoes?? Fact is, they won’t go away. Take time to stop and take action.